Supreme Court votes 8-1 to lose virginity

A fine article from The Onion.

The 100th post is an Aggie joke

How does an Aggie protect his windows from a hurricane?

He puts the plywood behind his windows.




update:



I found this picture of some anti-war protestor. Without addressing the merits of his argument (I can't tip any of you off as to my political leanings), I simply ask "who would go out looking like that?" I'm embarassed for him.

Back home

The wife and I finally found out that our apartment did, in fact, have power (she had the brilliant idea of calling to see if the answering machine picked up). Hoping to beat the traffic and make it to class, we left at midnight. Though there was some strange and heavy traffic on Highway 71, we made it in a mere 4 hours. Also, I am happy to report that I am typing this on my desktop; no one stole from us. I was so excited that the two rejection letters in the mailbox didn’t even bring me down. I’ll be sad tomorrow after I have sleep and the novelty of being back in the ghetto wears off.

life as a refugee

Rita should come ashore in 24 hours, and it looks like my apartment won't be completely flooded. I am, however, thinking there is a 50/50 chance it will be looted; there have already been reports of break-ins in Galveston. Since the storm is turning, I wouldn't mind driving back now (sans the wife, she doesn't like large storms) to defend whatever hasn't been stolen yet. Unfortunately, I doubt I could make back into the 'Dena until after the storm passes. That should be fun, as all the people who spent 10 hours driving to Austin will be taking the same route I am back to Houston. The wife and I now get to balance a desire to avoid a dozen hours in the car with the need to survey how much we still have left (and mitigate the losses if it all hasn't been stolen yet).

It's sad that I'm more worried about my criminal neighbors than the hurricane.

I'm out

I don't have time for a full post, so here's my email to Andrew:

The most recent Nat'l Hurricane Center forecast came out, and it looks bad for the 'Dena; the western eyewall is likely to pass near or over Houston, and my part of Pasadena is under a voluntary evacuation notice (there's a pretty good chance that nothing will happen to our apartment, but the risk is too much for the benefit of staying). The official report (not the local news muckrakers) says it should hit as a strong category 4 and "a category 5 hurricane is a distinct possibility." Since I know I won't be able to evacuate tomorrow due to all of the traffic on I-10 and the wife is getting a little freaked out, we're going to Belton to see my parents. I love starting a long drive at 3am (we can't leave until we put everything worth stealing in my car). Despite my doom and gloom predictions, you should be fine in Kingwood: its far enough north and west to avoid the bad stuff.

If the wife and I get killed driving home, feel free to make fun of us at our funerals.

Wal Mart is incompetent

The other day, I listed the many types of posts on the venerable 12(e). I forgot one of the most common types: stories about stupid people at the wife’s work.

While at work yesterday, the wife was watching a suspicious looking person clutching a package while glancing about nervously. Before her eyes, the guy opened a tube of BBs and poured some into his pocket. He then started walking away with my wife following behind. She asked him “can I help you find something?” He responded by throwing the package behind a shelf. The wife asked what it was, and he told her he just happened to find some trash and decide to throw it away (behind a shelf no less).

She continued following him and eventually found a manager. She told the manager what heppend, pointed out the theif and the manager told her “there’s nothing they could do,” and that they just have to let him go. The manager wouldn’t even tell the guy to leave, so that he wouldn’t steal any more. I do not see how Wal Mart ever turns a profit.

Also interesting, is that the tube of BBs cost only $1.97. The guy was committing a crime because he wouldn’t even pay less than two bucks.

Honoring America

Before the Carolina-New Orleans football game, the stadium announcer said “to honor America” and “in memory of those killed on September 11” they would have Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey sing America the Beautiful. Isn’t the two of them butchering a patriotic song in front millions of people just adding insult to injury? I’m pretty sure that the moment of silence was created with the specific intent of sparing those grieving a tragedy from having to listen to Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.

The Shrine of the Black Madonna

I’ve found that most posts on the venerable 12(e) fall into the following categories: me complaining about things, listing bad things that happed to me, recounting humor anecdotes and the occasional rant. This will be of the last variety.

Watching the news I saw an interview with a reverend from “The Shrine of the Black Madonna.” This touched off a long time pet peeve: attempts to claim the race of Christ. Most American depictions of Jesus make him a white man; this church takes the position that he was black. Whether you believe that He was the Son of God, its pretty certain that he was an Israeli (I’m not sure when they stopped being Israelites and became Israelis, but I’ll use the latter). When was the last time you saw someone native to Israel or Palestine who was either white or black? Though Americans probably can’t stand the thought, Jesus most likely looked like an Arab with olive skin and curly hair. It just seems petty to claim that Jesus was the same race as you; this seems like claiming tacit aggrandizement by sharing the skin color of Christ.

I’m not asking for much, just give me an accurate depiction or description.

I love the Dena

At our lovely apartment, the mailboxes are in a covered walkway in the front of one of the buildings. Yesterday, I went to check the mail and saw a very dirty man urinating on the wall opposite the mailboxes. While it did surprise me to see a guy peeing in public, I wasn’t going to let him stop me from getting my rejection letter. When I walked to the mailbox, he turned so that I wouldn’t be able to see his Wang Chung. He then yelled something at me in Spanish, so, after I saw that there was no mail, I walked away very briskly. I guess he was offended that I didn’t him the privacy he deserves when peeing on the walls of my apartment complex.

My mom, a former Spanish teacher, offered to teach me to say “how can you pee out of something so small,” but I figure I shouldn’t try that statement until I get a concealed handgun license.

car trouble

I’m driving to school today on I 45 when I suddenly come to a wet part of the road. While still on the wet area, the car in front of me slowed suddenly. I slowed down and checked my rearview mirror and, luckily, there was no one close behind to hit us. While I’m looking, a large one-ton truck tries to change into my lane behind me, but he didn’t seem to notice that I slowed down. When he realized he was about to rear end me, he cut the wheel and did a ninety degree turn across the interstate toward the wall. He didn’t make it to the wall before he ran over the entire front end of a Camry. The two of them crashed into the wall. To avoid them, a small 1980s Japanese car swerved out of their way and was hit by an eighteen wheeler (I didn’t see that part). Almost as soon as I saw the truck run over the Camry, a small car comes across at a sharp angle (likely spun out by the semi) and hits my back corner. I start to fishtail into the other lane but somehow pull out of it without spinning out (and likely flipping).

After I steered it and cleared it (it’s the law), I got out and expected to not have a rear bumper. Amazingly, there was only very light scratching and a thick coating of airbag dust from the car that hit us. That car, on the other hand, had a bent bumper and exploded headlight from hitting us, and no doors on the right side from the truck that hit it. The Camry that was run over was completely destroyed, and the eighteen wheeler and other truck seemed ok.

Three ambulances, five police cars and a fire truck came by and, in the process, stopped all northbound traffic on I 45 for a while. The wife and I were the only people besides the trucker who didn’t need to be taken away in an ambulance. Surprisingly, the police ticketed the driver of the one ton truck and he actually has insurance. This had better count as an excused absence from Administrative Law and the mandatory Law Review Meeting I missed. Now all I need is for Akin Gump to call and reject me to make the day complete.

At least I don’t live in New Orleans, that would be worse than having a wreck.