Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people

The three most amusing/notable anecdotes of last week:

3. The Gaytor broke Rule Number 3 of the Common-Law of Washrooms. I was sitting in the stall when someone sits in the one next to me. After a short while, the other person, who turned out to be my fellow law clerk, started talking to me. This is a grievous breach of the no-talking-to-anyone-sitting-down rule. Restatment (Third) Washrooms §3(b). The only two more serious offenses are looking (especially heinous if (1) eye contact is made or (2) the person look down while looking at you) and touching (Mr. Fleming creeped me out when he patted my back while I was at a urinal).

2. Andrew, attempting to justify how slowly he was righting, stated pompously “would you tell Van Gough to finish the Sistine Chapel by tomorrow?” While I realize that Van Gough is a common Italian name and could easily lead to confusion, one should make sure they’re correct when making analogies regarding their own brilliance.

1. A half-hour before my alarm clock was set to go off, the phone rings. I answer, and it’s the wife sounding very distraught. Apparently she couldn’t remove her key from the ignition. I told her to try turning the wheel, but that was to no avail. The problem continued until a fellow associate tried; she made the truly brilliant move of putting the car in park. I’ve heard it helps. (In Lauren’s defense, the thing in her dashboard that indicates in which gear she is doesn’t work, so there was some degree of guesswork on her part).

In other news, I learned something wonderful today. The drunken sister-in-law is moving back to Houston. Not only will this raise the crime rate (she is a repeat shoplifter), but she told the wife “now we can hang-out all the time!” I’m really looking forward to this semester.

I’ll give 25¢ (.14£) to the first person (other than the wife) who can identify the song from which I stole the title of this post.